I love seeing pictures of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold on my dash. They are so comforting to me. There was a time in my life where they kept me alive, ironically. It just seemed like the world had failed them to the point where they just gave up. I told myself that as much as I wanted to, I would not give up. Yes, at first I used anger and hatred as my strength but after a while I started to see a glimmer of hope that life might not be all that bad. I held onto this hope and it got me through so much. Now, instead to wanting to watch the world burn, I can find beauty in even the simplest things. A sunrise, a sunset, the mountains, the ocean, a playful puppy, a happy child, an older couple holding hands, a good meal, a funny movie, and I can even find it in the tough stuff like just sitting with someone when they are having a breakdown, being able to talk someone out of self injury or suicide, having had the opportunity to feed, change, and care for my mother on her death bed, and especially being able to be with her as she took her last few breaths.
Beauty is everywhere. One thing I learned is that when I started to see it inside of everything, I stopped looking for it on the outside of everything. There is so much more to everything than what we are directly looking at.
The beauty inside Eric and Dylan is that they had souls. Souls capable of feeling. Capable of loving. Capable of compassion. Capable of having hope. They never got to the point of seeing the beauty in life but one thing I often think about is that I don’t really think they found beauty in seeing death either. I think their minds started to change a little once it was right in front of them, but it was too late to turn back. It is my belief that their souls are at peace now but the affects of the actions they carried out while they were alive still live on. This is where I see the beauty. Even though the last actions of Eric and Dylan were to brutally take the lives of some, cause debilitating injury to some, and to forever change the lives of those who have to learn to live with their loss, whether it be of a loved one or of their own bodily functions, they helped change my life for the better. I have been able to dissect my pain and misery to the point where I can see right through to the reason of my suffering. And there always is a reason. I have been able to grow in so many ways because of this. I now live a fuller life. I can now wake up every day happy to be alive instead of being angry just because I woke up….
So this is why whenever I look at a photo of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, I will always be able to look past the ugliness that society wants me to see and focus only on the love, comfort, compassion, hope and true beauty of their souls.